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---Freshman Sen. John Edwards, D-N.C., Announces
Freshman Senator John Edwards, D-N.C., announced his candidacy for the office of President.

In North Caralonia, Edwards is better known as, "Slip & Fall John."

In the spirit of "full disclosure," Edwards revealed his baldness; says secret has weighed on head for years.

First order of business: replace Bald Eagle as National Symbol with Ambulance.

James "Cueball" Carville, of Dewey, Cheaten & Howe, to be campaign manager and personal Chiropractor.

Running mate to be announced.


'' I want to Champion the Common Man--with or without Hair; as I have done all my Life ''
Mouse-Over image to see the Real John Edwards
---Clintons Made Racist, Anti-Semitic Remarks
Patterson explains in "Hillary: Up Close," that during the six years he guarded the Clintons, their deep-seated anti-Semitism became apparent in slurs they hurled at each other. Bill and Hillary would begin making demeaning remarks to each other; during these verbal brawls "it was quite common" for both Bill and Hillary to refer to each other as "a Jew motherf-cker" or a "Jew bastard." 

The Clintons also told derogatory jokes about Jews.

Patterson says Bill and Hillary had little nice to say about Blacks, though the pair counted the black vote as the bedrock of his support. 

Clinton also used the "N" word when referring to Jesse Jackson, as well as, tolerating the use of the "N" word by political leaders and business leaders he dealt with, Patterson recalled. 

'' I Vill Be Yur President; und Yu Vill Like It! ''
Mouse-Over image to see 
the Real Hillary Clinton
---Trent Lott seeks out, former KKK member, Senator Robert Byrd for Absolution
Democrat Robert C. Byrd, Senator from West Virginia; former member, Ku Klux Klan:

Fox News Sunday: "There are  W h i t e   N i g g e r s. I've seen a lot of  W h i t e   N i g g e r s  in my time." "I'm gonna use that word. But we all just need to work together to make our country a better country." 

In a 1940s letter renouncing his membership: "[I will never serve in the military] with a Negro by my side." "I should die a thousand times and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again, than see this beloved land of ours become degraded by Race Mongrels, a throwback to the Blackest Specimen of the Wilds." 

He spent 14 hours filibustering against the 1964 Civil Rights Act. He voted against the only two blacks ever nominated for the U.S. Supreme Court, Thurgood Marshall and Clarence Thomas.

‘’ Trent, You my boy, are a sniveling bigoted Republican who push old ladies down, steal candy from children, kill the halt and the blind. ''   '' I on the other hand, am a DEMOCRAT. Ha ! ''
"Well young Lott, it is as Caesurae said to the Roman Senate on the occasion of the third Babylonian minister's visit in the Spring of 351 B.C., ... Urr, or was that Colonel Sanders?" "Well, anyway, change parties and everyone will leave you the Hell alone." "It worked for Me!"

"I wanted to be a Republican once; but with my sorted History the Press would have had a Field Day."  "So, Alas, I became a democrat."

---Catholic Church celebrates Saint Paedophilia, the Patron Saint of Raped Innocence
'' I See the One I WANT ! '' More than One Perverted Religion in the World
One uses a Cocked Fist as its Symbol; this one uses its Cocked Cocks.

  Voice of the Faithful (VOTF) have taken part in the cover-up of the link between homosexuality and sexual abuse by priests. 

  In fact, VOTF has been promoting the 1985 report by Fr. Michael R. Peterson, which brought the Kinsey experts and pan-sexualism's non-"judgmentalism" into the Church.

--Clinton: Right Wing Media Ganging Up on Dems---22% get news from Rush et al.
'' It's Just Not Fair !  '' Clinton charged that "extreme right-wing elements in the media" were responsible for smearing Democrats, saying he was particularly dismayed by attacks on Tom Daschle.

While he did not counsel Democrats to return to the strong-arm tactics he perfected over his thirty year career, he was plainly upset that an "increasingly right-wing and bellicose conservative press" was now free to criticize his administration, legacy and party without fear of governmental retribution.

Establishment Liberal Media Right Wing Media Juggernaut
---Top Muslim: "Bin Laden No Worse Than Falwell, Robertson, et al."
WABC's Steve Malzberg:
"They're the equivalent of our Osama bin Laden," said Ibrahim Hooper, spokesman for The Council on American -Islamic Relations (CAIR).

"[They] would commit mass murder against Muslims if they had the chance."

'' Are you sure ? ''    '' That doesn't look like a Mosque to me ! ''
Are you sure?  That doesn't look like a Mosque to me!
---When an Iraqi al Qaeda looks up and sees a Predator, 
----What's the first thing that goes through his Mind?
'' Oh my Goodnessss... ''
----Axis of Evil participants prepare for War----------------Don't Ask Don't Tell
'' Bush is a Very Mean Man '' '' Mmm,  You smell like my Camel ''    '' Thank You ''
Palestinian War Maneuvers
Iraqi War Maneuvers
----DICK hands over his Daschles to Pelosi
Pelosi to Ford: 
"The Race Is Over, Boy."

"I now hold the Leader's ship in my hands."

San Francisco Democrat Nancy Pelosi is treating Rep. Harold Ford Jr. in a way that gives new meaning to the term "H o u s e    N i g g e r s ."

'' Good grief, they're so small; Hell, Mine are Bigger than Those little things! ''
http://www.campus-watch.org/  New Web Site that lists professors who denigrate the U.S.
-----It might be easier to list those who Don't!
USO takes over Jacques Chirac's abandoned re-election website, chiracaveclafrance.net.

When the $8.95 lease on the domain name expired March 31, 11 days after the outbreak of war, USO snapped it up, the daily Le Figaro has reported. 

------On Alert: French Army on War Maneuvers, just in case...
The French position is well known to the world. 

It is standing erect with arms stretched to the sky, and begging for mercy in all NATO languages.

Alternatively, they may lay on the ground prostrate, again, begging as above.

'' s'il vous plaît, s'il vous plaît ne me tuer pas ''    '' Please, Please Don't Kill me ''
----Mouse-Over image: -
Assuming the Position
----Dave Letterman: France wants more evidence   Carful what you wish for...
David Letterman:

"Did you all see Colin Powell speaking with the U.N.?" 

"He was very persuasive, but still some folks want more evidence."

"France wants to see more evidence." 

"Well, Hell, I was thinking the last time France wanted to see more evidence it rolled into Paris with a German flag."


''  Achtung !    Vatch out for Ze FROGS ''    '' Ze Frenchman ? ''    '' Nine, Nine, Ze Toad Frogs ! ''
---------more french bashing
---------French have BIG small Image Problems
'' le vrai centre de l'univers '' The True Center of the UNIVERSE ! ''
Note: Americans
will want to use a Magnifying Glass.
Or, failing that:
The Hubble
''  Damn, I Blinked; too late, it's GONE  ''
France as seen by France
France as seen by the World
Look quickly, it's getting smaller...
--Going to war with the French as Allies,-
--would be like going Deer Hunting with an Accordion.--
-Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to hold Paris?-
-A: Nobody knows; its Never been done.
-Q: What is the worlds shortest book? 

-A: "French War Heroes."  It has only one chapter, which 
       is about a French Kamikaze pilot with over 60 missions.

-Q: Who Originated the "Art" of Diplomacy?

-A: The French, who the Hell else...

--If you know a Frenchman raise your hand. 

--If you are a Frenchman raise Both Hands. 

French jokes

''  Head for the Roundhouse Jac, they can't corner us there!  ''
Ever notice how the French are always ready for the Previous War?
Neville Chamberlain, british prime minister, 1937 - 1940, is said to have been french

The poor sod believed he could "do business with Heir Hitler," and pronounced, the now infamous, "Peace in our Time."

A recent poll indicates that British citizens are relieved to finally know the real reason for his treasonous behavior: he was French. 

When asked if they held any ill feelings toward him, most said no, "he's French, what else would one expect?"

PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, now requires its employees and guests to wear the usual photo ID badges, but because of several near fatal, and one fatal incident in recent weeks, now requires the person's weight to also be included.

A spokeswoman for the organization said that the policy change was due to several instances where their people had accidentally fallen into the septic holding tank of the organization's rural facility.

In one instance, the rescuers at the scene did not know how much Shit to scoop out for that individual, resulting in his demise. 

---------Can you put the name with the face?
---------Bill Clinton, Ethel Rosenberg, Hillary Clinton, Julius Rosenberg
'' We are Innocent ''    ' And even if we were guilty, which we aren't; we didn't do it for money. '' '' We are Innocent ''    ' And even if we were guilty, which we aren't; we did it for money. ''
---------Can you put the Treasonous Acts with the faces?
----1)_ Giving Atomic secrets to the Russians; 
----2)_ Giving Atomic secrets to the Chinese;
----3)_ With a wink and a nod: Paying North Korea not to produce fissile materials;
----4)_ Giving China help with their ICBM program through Loral, et al.; 
----5)_ Being a card carrying member of the Communist Party.
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