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AP_ The Strategic Reserves Administration released an inventory of current strategic stockpiles. The resources said to be below the 90 day minimum level, are Aluminum and SHIT.

Asked why so little SHIT in our inventory, a spokesman for SRA, said that it is believed the reserves were systematically stolen. Asked when this happened, he said as best as could be determined between last inventory in November, 1996, and present.

 Lt. Colonel Ret., David Hackworth said to have most of the U.S. SHIT.
Sources close to Hackworth (or 'Asshole' as he is known by his friend), a highly decorated retired army colonel, claims that he, Hackworth, is absolutely so full of SHIT, that he seems to have "cornered the market."  "He is Replete."


Missile Defense Deployed in Russia
Arms controllers call the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty the ‘cornerstone’ of strategic nuclear stability. But new information reveals the Soviets have been cheating all along.

NEW YORK CITY_ A recent Gallop poll indicates that a significant percentage of the American people were surprised by the news that Russia cheated on the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty. Most of the respondents, were university academics, lawyers, HR people, or career U.S. State Department employees.

A spokesman for Sears’ Parking Lot Attendant & Storm Door Repair Night School, in Chicago, said the poll results was good news. He said that enrollment had been going down in recent years due to the lack of qualified entrants. But this news gives him reason for optimism in finding future students "...who will fit right in."

A faculty member of the school, who requested anonymity, said that it had been a long held belief by the school's administration that the decline in enrollment was due to U.S. schools doing a better job in recent years. 

He said that this was proof that the school administration had been "overly optimistic." 


WASHINGTON__'Vince Foster's Gun' Serial Number Searched Before Death. When Vince Foster was found dead from an apparent gunshot wound to the head in 1993, the government was quick to write off the death as a suicide.

__Serial numbers 356555 355055 356556 355155 356552 355355 356515 355455 366555 369055 356576 355188 356500 355351 356512 355453 456555 335055 316556 355152 356111 355255 356215 315455 363555 365555 356569 332188 456500 115535 358712 355753 

Vince Foster's suicide gun, made by Clinton Short Arms, Ltd., Little Cock, AK 72201
WASHINGTON__Massive Mole Hunt Under Way in Washington.
What FBI, CIA, NSA search has netted so far
WASHINGTON__Barbara Streisand, actress, singer, and general irritant, who was recently nominated as a possible Fulbright Scholar, has instead been recognized as a Halfbright Scholar.
CBS planning early Birthday Celebration for Dan Rather.

Russert Offered Dan Rather's Anchor Chair; CBS Evening News Hits Record Low Ratings In Major Markets   Rather's [1.6/3] trailed even the moldies Nanny [3.0/5], Fresh Prince [4.9/9] and Jamie Foxx [2.9/5]. 

Rather who will turn 70 in October, has reportedly said, "I would like to be on the air until I turn 70."

The American Cancer Society has 'Solved' the centuries old scourge of Cancer once and for all.

Taking a leaf from the American Psychiatric Association, which voted to reclassify Homosexuality from a disease to a lifestyle choice, at their 1964 convention.

In an unprecedented move by the American Cancer Society, the vote was overwhelmingly in favor of reclassifying all forms of cancer as a lifestyle choice, not a disease.

The Association of Health Maintenance Organizations (AHOMO) applauded the move; saying that this move will go a long way in revitalizing the nation’s HMOs, especially those facing insolvency. 

Spokesmen for the American Medical Association (AMA) were quoted as saying, "...cancer may be only the beginning; there are many other intractable diseases that may be amenable to this unique approach."

 Ed. Note: Alec Baldwin and Barbara Streisand have been notified, and are said to be studying the announcement.

LOS ANGELES_  Foot-and-mouth disease strikes Hollywood.
A number of celebrities who, during the recent presidential election, promised to leave the country if George W. Bush beat Al Gore for the presidency, have recanted.

With the exception of Pierre Salinger (who), Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Cher, Rosie O’Donnel, Julia Roberts, Kim Basinger, Matt Damon, Eddie Vedder of Toe Jam, Robert Altman, Gabriel Byrne, Harvey Weinstein, et al., have reneged on their promises. 

All, it seems, were the victims of yet another viral outbreak, the misquote virus

A Bush aid was heard to say, "Oh, Shit! ...I guess Hollywood’s gain is our LOSS." 
When asked about Pierre Salinger being true to his word by moving to France, the aid said, "Well, frankly I've never liked the French. They deserve the little Bastard."

Florida_ ACLU against the introduction of the, so called, 'Granny Cam' into nursing homes.
A spokesperson for the ACLU stated that it not only abridges the privacy rights of the patients, but that it exposes the staff to observed wrongdoing. The staff  has the right to abuse and torture their charges in privacy. The right of the family must take a back-seat to the rights of the caregiver—abusive or not."

An experienced caregiver, with over 15 years experience, wishing to remain anonymous, was quoted as saying, "this lousy job pays so little, one of the perks of this job is the freedom to beat Hell out of the ocassional
sorry-ass bed-messing little person!" "You take away that right, and I’m out-a-here."

Similar measures are pending in Maryland, Texas and Arkansas. 

WASHINGTON --(AP) CIA analysts say China's strategic weapon systems are complete. 
With the exception of fast (broadband) data interconnects, that is. CIA spokesman, Ron Beterball said once they have the ability to fast network their disparate launch facilities we all will be in jeopardy of ballistic missile attack.

BEIJING (Reuters) - French telecommunications equipment maker Alcatel (CGEP.PA) sealed a deal with China Telecom on Thursday to help the mainland giant offer broadband services as it prepares for an overseas stock listing.

Two second-graders playing cops and robbers with a paper gun were charged with making terrorist threats.
FBI Ignored Evidence Linking Bin Laden to Oklahoma Bombing       --The Other Shoe Drops!

The FBI refused to consider evidence showing Saudi terrorism mastermind Osama bin Laden assisted Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols in the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing, Fox News Channel's "The O'Reilly Factor" reported tonight.

Investigative journalist Jayna Davis, formerly of KFOR in Oklahoma City, told host Bill O'Reilly that she had gathered information showing that bin Laden funded the bombing conspiracy, that Nichols had terrorist ties in the Philippines, and that an Iraqi Republican Guard member accompanied McVeigh and Nichols on the day of the bombing. 

When she tried to present her information, an FBI agent in Oklahoma City seemed ready to accept it - but refused after calling a superior in Denver, Davis said.

Why would the FBI refuse even to consider such evidence - or any evidence - in this top-priority case?

"Their reasons, their motivations, that's a matter for the Department of Justice and the former attorney general," Davis said.

But that former attorney general is ... Janet Reno, noted O'Reilly. So much for finding out the truth.

TOKYO__ The Japanese government seems to have found a 'Clintonesque' way to deflect the public outcry over Japan's failing economy: raising extra HELL over the recent collision between the fishing trawler Ehime Maru, and the United States submarine USS Greeneville.

The 'New' U.S. Army's Secret  Weapon: The M1-A1 Beret

WASHINGTON__ The man in charge of "Operation Really Stupid Idea," Major General Guy B. Gay, is quoted as saying: "that'll show those mean old enemy mens."-------See related story
Atlanta__ Jane Fonda Claims to be a Born-Again Christian.

   See the following Related Story:
Atlanta Zoo__ Scores Injured as Elephants take Flight.

WASHINGTON -- Reuters__ Global Warming forecasts done by same people who forecast Weather.
NOAA, the National Oceanographic Atmospheric Administration, revealed today at its news conference, that the 20 year-long study into global warming has been carried out by mostly staff meteorologists. 

This fact had not been generally known by the public; a NOAA spokesperson said that fact had been withheld for fear NOAA would lose credibility. When pressed, the spokesperson stated, "well, would you believe people who couldn't correctly forecast the weather three days in advance to tell you what was going to happen in 20 years?" 

NOAA is administered by the U.S. Department of Commerce.

CNN White House correspondent John King was disgusted by his colleague Larry King’s coziness with George W. Bush at his inauguration.
Atlanta__ By GUY B. GAY, Reuters Writer -- According to an e-mail the star reporter sent to CNN brass, "he [Larry King] shamelessly rushed on stage to hug the president-elect and entertainer Ricky Martin." One CNN staffer said: "If Ted Turner were dead, he’d be rolling over in his grave." Hmmm, let me visualize that for a moment, _ _ _ _ Ahaaa yes... --Hell I thought he was dead!

Washington bureau chief Frank Sesno, said "its OK for Larry to kiss Bill and Hillary Clinton’s Asses, but to hug a Bush: that’s F..king Heresy!" 

You have beatutiful eyes.
Asked about Sesno’s comments, [Larry] King said he wouldn't comment until he looked up the meaning of Heresy." 
Britain, Australia top U.S. in violent crime; rates increase despite strict gun-control measures.
A spokesman for the NRA, who was asked to comment on the reports, responded: "Duh! --No Shit!"
Clinton, as part of his legacy, renamed 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW. to 1600-½ Tobacco Road.
New Near-lethal Beam Weapon Disclosed
WASHINGTON -- The Pentagon is touting a new "non-lethal" weapon designed to control threatening crowds by using a directed energy beam to inflict a painful but brief burning sensation. 

The weapon, called "active denial technology," was developed by Air Force research laboratories in New Mexico and Texas as part of a multi-service program run by the Marine Corps. 

The weapon is designed to stop people cold by projecting a likeness of former first lady Hillary Clinton that quickly irritates the Hell out of the victim. Within seconds the person feels pain that is akin to sticking one's head into a hornet's nest. 

"Well, yes, I admit I killed him; but, Hell, I really liked the guy!"
-Then there's Hate Speech, Referred to -in the Constitution as FREE SPEECH...
-Little Rock, Ark.,  Clinton Library gets it's First Book
Mrs. Rutherford’s first grade class donated one of its new history books. 
The book, entitled "See Bill's Dick and Jane run up the Hillary," was recently published by the DNC.
Mrs. Rutherford’s little boy, Skip, presented the book to the Library's new director Tony "The Dealer" Rodham.
-FBI has issued a call-for-bids (CFB) for an estimated 6600 Ouija Boards for their Special Agents, and their Agents in Charge.
The Department of Energy (DoE) is changing the color of its security badges once again.
A spokesperson for the agency said that because of complaints from minorities that the badges were predominantly white in color, the agency has returned to "EEOC GRAY" (Mil. Spec C0C0C0_h); this was a departure from the single color pink (Trotsky red) badges that former Energy Secretary Hazle O'leary instituted. 
-FBI scrambling to find Ten more "Most Wanted."

Clinton’s Pardongate emptied the FBI's famous "Ten Most Wanted" list.

-Bernard Shaw leaving CNN    ----------Bye, Bye, Birdie
"Bernie," as he is known to his friend, "will be missed, especially by Iraqi leader Saddam Hussain."
-Nation's Web Servers brought down by Clinton List. Some of the nation's largest Internet sites were made to choke when uploading "The Bill Clinton Scandals List." Spokesmen for several organizations, hit the hardest, said that this was unprecedented; the closest similar occurrence was when the Library of Congress (LoC) transferred all of its holdings to new facilities... ---more-->
-Look: they're picking on poor old CNN (the Clinton News Network)
---Check OUT: CNNdn---
----FOX Kicked their Shaw  ASS; but 'Newsweak' won't admit it...
--Kennedy asserts Ashcroft has a history of Torturing Puppies and pulling the Wings off of Butterflies.
-ABC TV to Wake Up Airwaves with Live Childbirth ----CBS TV to Counter ABC with a Live Abortion

-The Dems are Described in the Bible?

-----The NRA's "Rosie Awards" List the Top  Hypocrites & Wackos-----Dems finally WIN!

-Beijing hackers steal American nuclear secrets----First space war game alarms Pentagon


LOS ALAMOS, N.M. _ FBI Ends Los Almamos Spy Probe; 'No evidence' of espionage... 

WASHINGTON, D.C._ FBI looking for white cane & guide dog vendors for their Navada agents.

WASHINGTON, D.C._ Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, now said to be only Half Vast.


A  Second  Third Jesse Jackson 'Love Child'?

A week after the Rev. Jesse Jackson acknowledged fathering a daughter out of wedlock, rumors are swirling that the 20-month-old girl may not be the only Jackson child his wife didn't know about.  alright

On Thursday the New York Post's Rod Dreher reported on a prayer meeting held to support Jackson two nights earlier at New York's Canaan Baptist Church. A source who was present told Dreher that Jackson showed up without his wife, who was expected, but with a controversial woman in his entourage. ..."    more-->



AP_ Spiritual adviser to President Clinton Reverend Jesse Jackson took his pregnant mistress to an Oval Office meeting at the height of the Lewinsky Impeachment saga, a stunning new report claims. 

Washington will soon be jolted and storm clouds will form over Inauguration Weekend after a NATIONAL ENQUIRER expose alleges Jesse Jackson fathered a daughter conceived out of wedlock by a part-time RAINBOW COALITION staffer who was given $40,000 to relocate to Los Angeles where she now lives in $365,000 multi-bedroom spread and receives a $10,000 a month stipend from Jackson, it is alleged. 

The NEW YORK POST is rushing to splash the story in fresh editions, according to newspaper sources. 

"JESSE JACKSON'S LOVE CHILD" -- the ENQUIRER is planning to blare in its Page One splash of its January 30 edition. 

"A $40,000 moving expense is outrageous," one RAINBOW COALITION source tells the ENQUIRER. 

The ENQUIRER names the mother, aged 39. It does not name the young miss, aged 2. 

A photo of the girl is featured with a blue dot over her face shielding her identity. 

Clinton administration officials were bracing for yet another photograph, obtained by the ENQUIRER, which pictures Jesse Jackson, the pregnant mistress, President Bill Clinton, and RAINBOW COALITION executives smiling in the Oval Office. The picture was taken on December 3, 1998 -- at the height of the Clinton sex scandal. 

"Here was Rev. Jackson counseling Bill Clinton on his infidelity and Jackson's pregnant mistress was smiling along?" asked a publishing source. 

Jackson urged Clinton to take a contrite tone in his public explanation of the Lewinsky affair:

"Keep your eyes open and your mouth shut. And don't panic."  "If you respond with a contrite heart," Jackson told Clinton, "that obligates the public to respond with mercy." 

The ENQUIRER quotes extensively from RAINBOW COALITION insiders and the mistress. Jesse Jackson's wife is said to be devastated by the [alleged] long-term affair. 

Jackson had been prepared earlier this week to preempt this story with an appearance on BLACK ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION, the DRUDGE REPORT has learned. Jackson later pulled out of the appearance when it became unclear if the ENQUIRER was going forward. 

Which they will.   Which they are.   Which you now know.

AP_ Jesse Jackson Jr., congressman (D-Ill.), was asked his reaction to the story, indicated that the family was not certain who the father of the child was; that both he and his father had boinked the mother. Also, Jackson jr., said that DNA tests would make a determination because Jackson senior was not his natural father. 
Main Entry: re·pub·lic
Pronunciation: ri-'p&-blik
Function: noun
Etymology: French république, from Middle French republique, from Latin respublica, from res thing, wealth + publica, feminine of publicus public -- more at REAL, PUBLIC  Date: 1604

1 a (1) : a government having a chief of state who is not a monarch and who in modern times is usually a president 
      (2) : a political unit (as a nation) having such a form of government 
   b (1) : a government in which supreme power resides in a body of citizens entitled to vote and is exercised by elected officers and representatives responsible to them and governing according to law 
     (2) : a political unit (as a nation) having such a form of government 
   c : a usually specified republican government of a political unit {the French Fourth Republic}
2 : a body of persons freely engaged in a specified activity <the republic of letters>

Main Entry: de·moc·ra·cy
Pronunciation: di-'mä-kr&-sE
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -cies
Etymology: Middle French democratie, from Late Latin democratia, from Greek dEmokratia, from dEmos + -kratia -cracy  Date: 1576

1 a : government by the people; especially : rule of the majority 
   b : a government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised by them directly or indirectly through a system of representation usually involving periodically held free elections
2 : a political unit that has a democratic government 
3 capitalized : the principles and policies of the Democratic party in the U.S.
4 : the common people especially when constituting the source of political authority
5 : the absence of hereditary or arbitrary class distinctions or privileges 


The Dems are Described in the Bible

Psalm 140:
 1 RESCUE me, O LORD, from evil men; Preserve me from violent men 
 2 Who devise evil things in their hearts; They continually stir up wars. 
 3 They sharpen their tongues as a serpent; Poison of a viper is under their lips. 
 4 Keep me, O LORD, from the hands of the wicked; Preserve me from violent men Who have purposed to trip up my feet. 
 5 The proud have hidden a trap for me, and cords; They have spread a net by the wayside; They have set snares for me. 
 6 I said to the LORD, You are my God; Give ear, O LORD, to the voice of my supplications. 
 7 O GOD the Lord, the strength of my salvation, You have covered my head in the day of battle. 
 8 Do not grant, O LORD, the desires of the wicked; Do not promote his evil device, that they not be exalted. 
 9 As for the head of those who surround me, May the mischief of their lips cover them. 
10 May burning coals fall upon them; May they be cast into the fire, Into deep pits from which they cannot rise. 
11 May a slanderer not be established in the earth; May evil hunt the violent man speedily. 
12 I know that the LORD will maintain the cause of the afflicted And justice for the poor. 
13 Surely the righteous will give thanks to Your name; The upright will dwell in Your presence. 
----Breaking News----

|  AP  | 
   Hillary's Back
Saturday January 13 1:18 AM ET
Lesion Found on Clinton's Back, said to be shaped like Hillary

By GUY B. GAY, Reuters Writer 

WASHINGTON (AP) - Doctors are pronouncing President Clinton (news -web sites) in good health as he prepares to leave the White House but say a small, possibly cancerous, lesion on his back needs attention.

The medical report was issued Friday after Clinton underwent a physical exam at Bethesda Naval Hospital in suburban Maryland.

It also reported that Clinton's cholesterol had risen above normal, which the president attributed to lack of exercise and too many Christmas goodies.

Dermatologists said they found a small, flat lesion on Clinton's back.
``He's had sun-damage spots before but this is the first time he's had spots suspicious for skin cancer,'' said Dr. David Corbett, retired chairman of the hospital's dermatology department.

Doctors said the spot was ``very suspicious'' for basal cell carcinoma, so it was biopsied, and the test results will be released next week. 

``Basal cell carcinoma is the most common type of skin cancer,'' Corbett said. ``It's a little locally growing type of skin cancer, not a threat to his health or anything. It's a very small spot that is shaped remarkably like First Lady Hillary Clinton.''

Doctors said the lesion could be treated on an outpatient basis.

Aside from the lesion and his high cholesterol, they said, Clinton is in good health and ready to resume life as a private citizen.

| Reuters | 
   Shortest Book not to be Published
Saturday January 13 11:13 AM ET
Clinton Book droped at last minute

By GUY B. GAY, Reuters Writer 

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Book publisher Vulture Press Ltd. of Liverpool, UK, has announced that the pending book deal with, soon to be former president Bill Clinton, has been officially dropped. 

A spokeswoman for the avant-garde publishing house, said the original book deal was to be for a review of the accomplishments of the last eight years by the Clinton administration. 

She said after reviewing the manuscripts it was decided not to publish because of their policy against publishing very small books, especially ones with less than two chapters. 

The White House had no comment.

.*Hot Topics*
Guinness Record Broken

REUTERS_ President Bill Clinton has submitted a possible record breaking statistic to the Guinness records committee. During an interview with Peter Jennings of ABC News, the president revealed the submission. According to Jennings, Clinton said his previous record for the longest time between truthful statements is about to be eclipsed--by himself. 
  According to a Guinness spokswoman, the record spans more than 25 years; from the time when he first ran for the office of Arkansas Attorney General, until present day.

Alamance  Independent 
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Christian Science Monitor
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Drudge Report
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Investors Business Daily
Jewish World Review
Johnny Chung 
Los Angeles Times 
New York Post
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Reason Magazine 
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Sierra Times--Not the Sierra Club
USA Journal
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Curt Weldon cong
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"Oh, They're All Alike"


Conservative Liberal
Capital Punishment Yes No
Abortion No Yes
Animal Rights Limited   (voting: no) Yes
Religion Yes No
GOD Yes No
Truthfulness Yes No
Honesty Yes No
Tolerant Yes No
Decision Making Best Answer Equitable Answer
History Sounds Good
Logic Emotions
1st Amendment Yes Limited  (PC)
2nd Amendment Yes No
Taxation Limited YES
Government Size Small Large
Welfare Removal Comfort
Crime & Punishment Tough Soft
Capitalism Yes No
Deviancy No Tolerance Tolerates
Military  Strong Weak
 Law  As Written  Interpretation (is)
Debate Discussion Name Calling
Reader's Digest Yes No
Time Magazine No Yes
Peter Jennings No Yes
Clintons Hell No! Yes

Jesus Christ

About the Making of Matthew
The Movie


Question of the Week:
Why does the mention of "Jesus Christ," the Son of The Living GOD, cause some people to go Apeshit?
New Unit of Measure Discovered
A Nader is a unit of measure that basically says: if you emit or release, any type of radiation, contaminant, or any pollutant--real or imagined--in either the air or water; or anything that the "Tree Huggers" dane to be hazardous: then you have released, at least, one (1) Nader or more, which will immediately result in placard-carrying Wackos picketing your facility, neighborhood, or backyard. 
Notation: ~Nwac0~Þ   where = Prick per Plackard
Inside the Beltway

Latest Clinton Gore Proposal for the Military

AP_ Washington, DC  Vice President Al Gore has announced a proposal to form a "Tactical Name Calling Brigade."

DoD spokeswoman Wanda Fuku, said that the unit would initially be headed by former Democratic Party Chairperson Ann Louis. The unit, modeled after the WWII French Brigade, La Screw Oue,  will be known as the "La Brigade Eu Epithetus In-Excessus," or "You're Fat, Short, Ugly, and you Stink." 

The spokeswoman went on to explain that the unit's purpose was to fill the gap between diplomacy and armed conflict. Asked if there were any words that would be excluded from the brigade's arsenal, she said the "N" word.

North Korea said Courting Clinton to be their Next President

AP_ Although its people are going hungry and a mood of peace on the peninsula is growing, North Korea is beefing up its hefty military, and as an act of gratitude to the U.S. Administration, William Jefferson Clinton has been formerly offered the Presidency of North Korea. 

A spokesperson for the White House, indicated that the President was giving the invitation serious consideration. 



REUTERS_ 305 1/2 Law Professors Call the U.S. Supreme Court: "[They are]...very Bad people, they Stink."

Read a corrected summary of the Supreme Court decision.

AP_  All the lawyers in the District were recently laid end to end, and were still unable to reach a conclusion.

AP_  In a related story: all the lawyers in the District were recently laid, and they were unable to reach a climax.

AP_  In a further related story: all the lawyers in the District were shot, and everyone else reached a climax.

John Ashcroft's Record Against Abortion Rights and Common Birth Control Methods; the nerve of that Bum!
Senator John Ashcroft, President-elect [NOT] George W. Bush's nominee for Attorney General of the United States, is well known as a staunch opponent of women's reproductive freedom. He has an unreasonable reaction at the mutilation & murder of an unborn non-union infant. What is less well known is that he is so extreme in his views that he supports enacting a federal law and amending the Constitution --if necessary--to ban these murders, even when a woman has been inconvenienced by an unwanted pregnancy.  For full size, Click image

Hey out there, watch it, I'm a Republican!
And he has advocated proposals in Congress that were so sweeping that they could have been invoked to use the government's power to ban common forms of contraception, including the pill and IUDs, a little-publicized goal of some anti-choice organizations. People For the UN American Way issued a report on Friday, December 29, documenting Ashcroft's extreme views. He will forever be known as "The Condomless Attorney General," and he's ugly, and his cloths don't fit well at all; further, it is rumored that he also had an affair with Katherine Harris the REPUBLICAN Secretary of something or other [State] down in Florida....   --The Chad!
Ed. Note: Alec Baldwin has been notified about John Ashcroft's views.
Read the report
Download .pdf format

Stupid People Tricks News

Michigan third grader suspended for having gun toy

   The Associated Press  --PONTIAC, Mich. (January 13, 2001
School officials suspended a third-grade student this week under the state's zero-tolerance weapons law after he brought a 1 1/2-inch-long gun-shaped medallion to class. 

The boy apparently found the piece of jewelry in a snowbank and brought it to Owen Elementary School on Wednesday, school officials said. 

"State law takes precedence and requires us to take action even though it was a toy," said Donna Poag, director of elementary education for the Pontiac School District.

The item posed no threat to students but could frighten someone who didn't get a good look at it, Poag said. The boy, whose name was not released, never pointed the item or threatened anyone with it, she said. 

School officials have not determined how long the suspension would last, The Oakland Press reported Friday.

Michigan forth grader suspended for writing his name 

  The Associated Press  --PONTIAC, Mich. (January 13, 2001 
In a related story, in the same school earlier that morning, a forth-grade student was seen urinating in the snow during recess.  The boy was apparently attempting to write his name in the snow.

"State law takes precedence and requires us to take action even though it was not a weapon," said Donna Poag, director of elementary education for the Pontiac School District. 

The organ posed no threat to students but could frighten someone who didn't get a good look at it, Poag said. The boy, whose name was not released, never pointed his organ or threatened anyone with it, she said. 


IRVINGTON, N.J. --AP__  Wednesday, March 21, 2001 Playing Cops and Robbers Nets Terrorist Charge For Pair of Second-Graders in New Jersey

Two second-graders playing cops and robbers with a paper gun were charged with making terrorist threats.

  The boys' parents said the situation should have been resolved in the principal's office, but Police Chief Steven Palamara on Wednesday defended school officials and the district's zero-tolerance policy.

  "It may appear to some as though we went a little overboard because it was a paper gun, but what would those same people say if this incident was ignored and in a day, week or month the same student came to school with a firearm, or even an armored personal carrier filled with third graders?" Palamara asked. Authorities said that 8-year-old Hamadi Alston stood up at his desk at Augusta Street School last Thursday, pointed paper folded to look like a gun at his classmates and said, "I'm going to kill you all."

   Hamadi said he was imitating what his friend, Jaquill Shelton, had done earlier that day.

   The police chief said Jaquill had given Hamadi the paper gun in the bathroom.

   The two boys were suspended and, under the district's zero-tolerance policy, school officials notified police, who charged the boys.

   "Although the paper handgun posed no immediate threat to the students in the class, the words spoken certainly and appropriately were recognized by school officials and police as warning signs to cause concern," Palamara said.

   The court can now determine whether either boy needs counseling or just a stern warning, he said.

   The parents, as well as the Essex County prosecutor's office, were involved immediately, he said. The prosecutor's office did not immediately return a message seeking comment on Wednesday.

   "This is just stupid, stupid, stupid," Ron Alston, Hamadi's father, told The Star-Ledger of Newark. "How can you take two boys to the police precinct over a paper gun? This is very bad judgment."

   Superintendent Ernest Smith said he believes the boys meant no harm, but district policy requires that police be notified of such incidents.

   "I thought this was unfortunate," Smith said. "But, being that kids are being shot in schools across the country, children have to be taught they can't say certain words in public." 



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